Will Miss Him (…. I Guess?)

By: George Sorrentini

Note: Parts of this article are written in a sarcastic and light-hearted tone, not meant to be taken literally.

As we all know, Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. is our 46th US President. Sadly, that news took a very long time for it to sink into Donald Trump’s head. Reports of his defeat didn’t sit well for Trump. He, along with others, was in constant denial of that reality to a point where he endlessly disputed the election results to see if Biden was legitimately elected. Devoted Trump supporters relentlessly want the “Don” to keep on fighting for his presidential seat, like he’s one of those old, professional wrestlers who continue to wrestle and refuse to throw in the towel. His and their refusal to accept Biden’s win was so evident, it lead to that mutiny at the Capitol on Three Kings’ Day. Although Trump hates to lose, after what recently transpired in Washington, I highly doubt Donald J. Trump will ever win any public office position again.

In a way, I guess I’ll miss Trump. What will I miss, you may wonder? 

I will miss his unusual color pattern of: Yellow hair, orange skin, blue suit, and red tie. 

I will also miss his big mouth, small hands, and carte blanche demeanor.

I will miss how he insulted people for no apparent reason and how he incessantly defied science, logic, doctors, meteorologists, top-notch professionals, and called any news station that was against him “Fake News.” 

I will also miss some of his speeches where he said words that do not exist like: “Infantroopen”, “Tranzpants”, and “The United Shhhaysh.”

I will miss how his cabinet was filled with the most incompetent of people performing the most serious of duties.

I will also miss his “gates.” “Sharpiegate”, “Obamagate”, and the biggest “gate” of all – his asinine ideas on that border wall!

I will miss the colorful nicknames that journalists and news outlets gave Trump, such as: “Toddler in Chief”, “Clown in Chief”, “President Chump”, and so many more.

I will also miss how Trump’s favorite doctor snuck vegetables into his food just so Trump can eat healthier; similar to how a dog owner has to conceal dog medication into his dog’s food, so his beloved canine can eat it.

I will miss how Trump expected people to be loyal to him, yet aligned himself with the most repulsive of human beings.

I will also miss how Trump fired people, hired people (just so he can fire them later), was responsible for making people go to prison, and the numerous TV shows, specials, and books people wrote about him.  

I will miss the times where Trump acted as if he was a doctor and gave “medical advice” such as recommending a fatal drug to treat COVID-19 and suggesting people to ingest cleaning liquids.

I will also miss how effortlessly Trump divided the nation and undermined American Democracy.

I will especially miss his nonstop tweets, lies, name-calling, misleading statements, and how despite all of what Trump did in the last four years, people still defended him! FNC, OAN, Newsmax, his ever-changing cabinet, loyal Trump supporters, sycophants, racists, among others all stood by the “Don” through thick and thin.

Above all, there is one thing that I will miss the most about our 45th president – his scandals. I have never seen a US President who was involved in so many scandals that every news station continuously aired “Breaking News” about what he did. Since Trump likes to inflate numbers and exaggerate, he can safely say that he was involved in the most “greatest”, “tremendous”, and “unbelievable” scandals of all time than any other president before him.

The masses counted down Trump’s final days, eagerly anticipating his departure from the White House. Now that number hit “0” and the Trump presidency is officially over. President Biden is here and the “Don” is gone. As long as President Biden does not sniff hair and keeps his gaffes to a minimum while serving his term, the US will be in good hands (…That’s unless he uses those “hands” to give an unwelcomed shoulder massage, of course).

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