Moving Forward In Loving Memory, Still Missing Mom

My mom- Nancy Goodwyn, 1944- 2019

By Marc W. Polite

Greetings my readers. I know it has been a while since you’ve heard from me. If you read my last post, you know why. For those who may not be aware, my mother passed away on August 6th, and was laid to rest in a beautiful home going service on August 16th. To say that the last two weeks have been rough, feels like an understatement. In between the long days and many sleepless nights, I have thought about my mother and her life every day.

It’s been two weeks since I put up a blog post, and I don’t want people to really worry about what’s happening with me. If I go three weeks without putting up anything, people might think the feds done snatched me up or something. I just had to fall back a whole lot while I got my whole life in some semblance of order. Losing my mother has been disorienting, and I have been too out of sorts to even pretend to function regularly. As much as I try to run this site like a well oiled machine, at the end of the day there is a human being behind this keyboard.

This loss has stopped me in my tracks, and has forced me to sit down and really understand how different everything is going to be from here on out. Grief can be paralyzing. When anxiety manifests itself, the first thing for me that goes is sleep. I did not know what the word sleep was for the first two nights.  Also, in my dreams for the past week, my mother appeared twice, the last in which I saw her walking away from me, holding a cane.

Even though it has been very difficult, as of writing this, I am not in the space that I was in two weeks ago. While still grieving, I have to begin the process of getting back to some normalcy. Counseling is something that I am looking into at this moment. There are a lot of question marks in my mind about what’s next, and it wont just go away if I stop talking about it.

I’d like to say thank you to those who sent their condolences to me and my family. Whether it was online, text messages, sympathy cards, it was all appreciated.

Thank you to those of you who were able to attend my mother’s home going, and those who wanted to be there but could not.

My mother loved Stevie Wonder, so the song below…. is such a fitting one to share.