Good evening everyone. This month’s book discussion was a bit of a different one than what we usually do. Using Steve Harvey’s book “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man” the Hueman Book Club engaged in a conversation about relationships, marriage and commitment. It was a detour because the book club usually discusses books dealing in topics of a much heavier historical and political nature. Personally, I think it is healthy to switch gears every now and then, drawing in new people, and adding to the cache of what a book club can discuss. A slight hit was taken, because some regulars declined to attend because of the book selection. However, we did have a spirited, and mature discussion regardless.
While there are many angles that can be explored, using the book (and movie) as a launching point, I would have to say that the idea of relationships being framed as a game was an overarching theme of tonights dicussion. The “Game” that we are referring to in this context are the power dynamics between men and women. Who plays the game, how not to fall into someone’s manipulative measures, why men lie, cheat etc. The perpetuation of this game, unfortunately leads to so many getting hurt that it makes it hard for honest communication to come forth. One participant asked whether it was right to manipulate in relationships, a question that is often not considered.
Whatever your outlook on the issue, its a question that each has to answer for themselves. While I can say that the book itself does have some generalizations about the nature of men and women, it is a good starting point for a discussion about male female relationships. Its a lighthearted and funny book. Some of the comments about the 90 day rule were hilarious.
So, before I end this post, I wanted to open it up and ask those reading this a question. Is there such a thing as a relationship expert? Steve Harvey, Hill Harper, amongst others have seemed to strike gold in focusing in on relationship
advice for single people, and those who want to get married. Is this in itself an indication of how distant men and women are from one another that people have to write books so that we can learn how to reconnect with one another? Can you be a guru in relationships, or does it come down to the point of the two people and how they interact?
I welcome your comments. This is unusual territory for this writer, but I feel as though I should say something on what I heard tonight. Peace, and see you next book discussion!
Marc W. Polite
PS- Don’t worry book club regulars, we will go back to our regularly scheduled programming in July. The book we will be discussing next month is Post Traumatic Slave Disorder by Dr. Joy DeGruy. No dates yet, but I will keep you in the loop.
Great Post Polite! In response to the question “Can you be a guru in relationships…?”, I respond with by quoting Albert Einstein, “Only one who devotes himself to a cause with his whole strength and soul can be a true master. For this reason mastery demands all of a person.” If a couple, I say again COUPLE, displays endurance and devotion, defying time itself with their love than yes, I would acknowledge their success and gladly sit at their feet to learn. Ignorance and pride, in my opinion, hinders many from having success under the many “hats” they wear from day to day.
Now to answer the other question that I believe is most concerning, “Is there such a thing as a relationship expert?”, I resoundingly say NO! Relationship in a matter of two, not one, so you can’t be a relationship guru by yourself alone. In my opinion, no person should be able to write a book claiming to have the answers to any topic dealing with relationship because he/she alone do not sustain the relationship.
It is also my opinion that many “experts” teach manipulative love, not unconditional love. They ultimately teach how to get what you want from your partner, which I believe taints the motive of pure love. This may not be true of “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” but from past books and articles I’ve read this seems to hold true. This is not to disregard the truth behind some valuable principles of love and relationship that are taught, but for one person to publish claiming the title expert without having his/her spouse also sharing and justifying the success of their relationship I believe is ridiculous and misleading to people who are genuinely seeking guidance.
Great response Spencer. I don’t believe in relationship experts either. Thank you for your commentary!